Delivered By A Mighty God

 Delivered by a mighty God.

I never wanted to be a preacher. Me a preacher, I wanted to be a model, clothes designer, teacher, translator, poet, dancer, doctor, model, but never a preacher. My image of a preacher was a man in a black suit with a high white collar, stuffy and fat. I was raised in the United Methodist Church, at that time all the preachers were men, and the women were Sunday school teachers, Choir Directors, and Ushers.

I came from a strong Christian background. My Mother was a Sunday School Teacher for over 25 years. She also served as an Usher and a Secretary for one of the church auxiliaries. My earliest childhood memories include church attendance. I was a gifted child. As a 3year old I was able to memorize lengthy passages.  My Mother put me in all the church pageants. I stood in front of large groups of people and recited poems, scriptures,and anything else she would teach me. People would laugh, because I was so little, but could speak as well as an adult. I was inquisitive and curious about life.

I came from a happy family. My immediate family was small. It included my mother, Father, me, and my younger brother. We were happy, happy, and happy. I was so fortunate to have wonderful, kind, dignified, hardworking and loving parents. They were splendid examples to me and my brother. They never fought and had reckless parties or lifestyles. The Lord gave us a blessing in them.

Although my Father did not attend church regularly, he fully supported my mother in our spiritual and natural growth. I thought my mother was beautiful. She had pretty hair, skin, and smile. Everybody loved her. She was shapely, well dressed, a lady. I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to be pretty like her, but I never felt like I was. 

I was a slightly plump little girl. When I look back at the pictures now, I realize that I was not that heavy. My younger brother and his friends called me fat pig. I had wide feet, my mother had to pay more money for my shoes, and I always wore red oxfords or saddle shoes. I did not like that I wanted to wear penny loafers like the girls with the narrow feet. My hair was not long like my mother’s. I would look at my face in the mirrorand I did not like what I saw. Although I did not feel attractive, I knew I was smart. Academically I exceeded all expectations, especially in grade school. My parents were proud of this.

I had the gift of creativity and immense imagination. I loved paper dolls and pretty clothes. I learned to sew at an early age, so that I could make myself look pretty. I was an orator and a writer. I was a poet and an inventor. The Lord gave me these gifts, and I was different from my little friends. Some did notunderstand me. I got teased a lot and called the teacher’s pet. I wanted people to like me and be my friend, so I became a people pleaser. I did not want to do anything to make people not like me. I had some jealousy around me but did not know it.

I learned good habits from my parents; I learned unhealthy habits from my peers and friends. My parents were very discerning and protective. My Mother saw the potential in my life, and she wanted me to fulfill my destiny. I was a people pleaser who wanted people to like me because I did not like myself. I thought I WAS UGLY, I HATED MY HAIR, BIG HANDS AND FEET, AND THE BIGS BONES IN MY FACE, but I was very smart. I rebelled against my mother. I loved her so much, but I resented the tight grip she kept on me. She was trying to keep me away from Satan and his destructive assignment against my life.

The pivotal moment in my life was the death of my mother. She died from an aneurysm while sitting in our living room talking to us.

Just like that at 48 years old she died… suddenly and completely without a goodbye. She died. Our family was devastated. My life took on the dark cloud of depression. My Mother was my friend and confidante. She was like a sister. My joyful Mother left me. The pain of her demise was greater than anyone would ever know. 

The days after her death were filled with pain, I contemplated suicide. I lost 30 pounds in three weeks. I cried incessantly for an entire year. My Father became depressed and resentful, my brother sought comfort in various vices. Our family nucleus was falling apart. My mother’s parents and all her siblings were alive. That part of the family was huge. I sought solace in communicating with my aunts...that   helped me some. I stayed alive for my child who was almost 3 at the time.

I decided to get married to my daughter’s father. He was a handsome, intelligent, and charismatic athlete, an All-Star college athlete until his injury. I was naïve and immature; the marriage was rocky. We did not function the way we should have. Without Jesus in the center, it was destined to collapse. After eight years of being married and having a second child, I finally decided to leave him. The environment was toxic. I fled to the safety of my Father’s house to protect my daughters. The Lord was trying to get my attention, because there was a call on my life and Satan was planning to destroy me.

I went through problem after problem. I lost my mother, I lost my marriage, and I lost my home. I was so ashamed. I felt like a failure. The girl who had so much going for her had a messy life. So many challenges overtook me. My husband was going through some life issues and for 10 years he was not able to actively engage with our children. My Father made me feel condemned about my situation. I understand now he was in great pain himself.

I began to have stress related diseases; my family was in a bad car accident and my daughters were injured. Thank God, he healed them. I had a job that I did not like. I really did not like my boss. She was a crude woman who cursed at us all the time and the company I worked for did not chastise her for it.

 I was miserable. When my daughters were in the accident, she wrote me up for being absent…I was at the end of my rope. I decided on that day that after work I would jump in front of a subway train and end it all…The story is long, but I will attemptto abbreviate it. On that day, a woman approached me at the subway station and asked me to come participate in a chanting/meditation group. I went with her instead of jumping in front of the train. 

I thought that this was something good. I had always been curious about the occult, astrology, palm reading. I did not know that Satan had me dabbling in witchcraft. I was deceived. I did not know the Word of the Lord. For a season, the method of worship and chanting seemed to work. It was not satanism, an Eastern religion but it was laborious, and we did it for hours and hours. My life still had many challenges, it was not working for me. A red flag went up in my mind when I went to a meeting,and they told me to throw away all objects from other religions such as the Bible. 

Screech! Brakes on throw away the BIBLE…oh no, something is wrong with this picture.  I decided to stop attending the meetings. The other members of the group were incredibly determined to keep me involved. I needed the Lord, but I did notknow where and how to find him. I thought he did not love me. I had attended church, given my life to the LORD, but was not consistent. Whenever something went wrong, I would stop going.

I was filled with fear, I was reading my horoscope, calling a reader, lighting candles, everything to get an answer to the problems in my life. I was seeking an answer but not in the right places. 

One year after my children were injured in the terrible car accident, a nun hit me broadside in my car. She ran the red light. I could see her coming in slow motion, but I could not stop her. She did 10000.00 dollars' worth of damage to an 11000.00 car. I walked away without a scratch. The door to the driver’s side jumped open so that I could get out. Not one window was shattered. A terrible fear gripped me, instead of me seeing the miracle, the enemy began to tell me I was going to die, and Godwas trying to kill me.

For one calendar year I lived in fear and torment. I could not eator sleep. I lost so much weight I looked anorexic. I was afraid to pray to the Lord and I wanted out of the Eastern religion I was in. 

My mind was so filled with dark negative thoughts that I could not function. The doctors prescribed tranquilizers and anti-depressants. I cried all the time; my conversation was filled with death talk. I was too depressed to take care of my girls. It was only the grace of God that allowed me to keep the job I had during that time. My family knew something was wrong, but nobody knew what it was.  I now know that I was oppressed by a demonic spirit. It was on assignment to destroy me before I fulfilled my purpose. 

My uncle Allen was married a woman that was a Spirit filled Christian. My Aunt Doris was passionate about Christ from the time I met her. She was a young woman, and I was a teenager when she married my him.  For years she had interceded for me. She witnessed to me on many occasions, but I did not want to be like those people I saw her with, praying loud, speaking in that strange prayer language, and talking about Jesus all the time. I never disrespected her lifestyle, but I was not interested at that time,

Now I am just like that and more! God has a sense of humor does not he? I am the loudest one now, but that is because I am grateful that He did not hold my darkened mindset against me.

My Aunt Doris had grown in the Lord and He had elevated her to a Pastor. She was always strong in her faith, confident in her God and comforting to all who needed strengthening. She and my uncle had been a great support to me after my mother died. They were always there for me and my children. She was and still is like a second mother to my girls. 

My Aunt had discerned by the Holy Spirit that something was not right in my life. I would call her on the phone and tell her I was going to die and please take care of my children. I would call her early in the morning because that spirit tormented me day and night. She would pray for me, but I doubted that the Lord would help me. One day she told me “That is a spirit that is tormenting you and I am not going to listen to that spirit today.”  One day I finally got tired of being bound, I knew that what I was going through was not natural. The members of the group I was involved in wanted to convince me to meditate a little longer, I knew it was to no avail. I needed help from the Lord Jesus.

I left the group meeting running and crying. I jumped into the car and drove like a crazy woman to my aunt’s church. I ran to the door and knocked like a crazy woman, it was a Sunday afternoon, and she was there. 

When she opened the door, I frantically confessed my sins again. I just knew I was going to die because I had sinned against the Lord, and he was mad at me. The enemy deceived me because I did not know the Word of the Lord and the forgiving love of Jesus Christ. My aunt looked at me and said” Be quiet, you are not going to die, all you are going to do is get saved and preach to thousands of people around the world! I have been praying for you to get saved. Do you want to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?”  

I accepted the Lord that day, but I still battled with a spirit of fear tormenting my mind. My aunt encouraged me to attend her church. I did, but I felt uncomfortable with the praise and worship style.  I was used to a quiet church. I thought they made too much noise. 

Depression continued to hang around me, but the Lord was merciful. He had a purpose for my life. Months dragged on and I still was burdened by a dark cloud of fear and oppression.

I began to attend church more regularly, whenever I was around the saints I felt better. I started to come back to life, because the depression and involvement with the group had cut me off from my friends and family. I heard about the power of the Holy Ghost and prayed to be baptized with power. I was filled one day in my bathroom. 

I went to church on a prayer meeting night and began to pray in my prayer language.  Bit by bit I was being delivered from the spirit of witchcraft. Finally, my aunt asked me if I still had any worship items from the group. I did, but I was afraid to destroy it. She told me to bring it to church, they were going to destroy it. Reluctantly I brought the items to her church. My Aunt and her sister Mary are great prayer warriors and women of faith, they were not afraid of anything. They built a fire in the backyard of the church and, like the Apostle Paul, burned all the artifacts of iniquity. My Aunt knew that the enemy was going to plague me with the destruction of his tools. She assured me that nothing was going to hurt me and nothing bad would transpire.

Several days later my brother took my car without me knowing it and was attacked at a friend's house. The man stabbed my brother in the thigh. He drove home bleeding profusely in the car I had meditated on. He pulled up to our house screaming my name at the top of his lungs in the middle of the night. My daughters were crying because they did not want me to go outside to help him. I saw him lying by my car terrified. I thought of the burning of the paraphernalia. When I called my aunt to get help from my uncle, she sensed that the enemy was gripping me with fear. In her calm voice, she stated” this has nothing to do with us burning those documents.”  The ambulance came to pick up my brother. He had to have twenty stitches and two pints of blood. The police department called and wanted to question me about the incident. The detective told me he would be at my home, I was afraid. I prayed and askedthe Lord if he was real, to prevent the police from coming. The detective never showed up.

From that day on I began to improve. I still battled with the fear, but I began to read my Bible and pray. My church attendance increased, and I began to participate in praise and worship. Gradually the dark cloud of oppression began to lift. What finally broke the yoke of bondage is this, although I had been debilitated by fear and depression all that year, my two daughters excelled in school.

My oldest daughter, who was graduating from the eighth grade, received all the awards except one I believe. My youngest daughter skipped the 3rd grade to the 5th grade for academic excellence. The Lord spoke to my spirit and said” You have been depressed for one calendar year. Who do you think has been taking care of your children?”  On that day I rose and decided to go on with my life. The next day I began to wash clothes and eat food like a normal person. The spirit of fear began to lose its grip.

I began to attend all the prayer meetings and church services at my aunt’s church. I became active in ministry. I did not watchtelevision for approximately two years. I totally yielded my life to the Lord. I was so grateful that the Lord chose a sinful person like me. 

I began to delight myself in Him. I became a Praise and Worship leader, a Sunday school teacher, Pastor’s Secretary, Usher, and the Youth Choir director. The Lord began to use me to pray for others and miracles began to occur, I took hold of his Word by faith. After two years of faithful service, he called me to preach the Gospel. Isaiah 61 is the scripture He called me with...the rest is history.

The Lord has been good to me. He has proven to be a friend that sticks closer than a brother. The Lord can use broken vessels because I was one. He can deliver sinful people because I was one. He can love the rejected and cast down...because that was I. I am happy that Jesus loves me. This is the first song I remember singing in Sunday School. My Mother would be happy about all of this. One of my many testimonies of our good and gracious God.

 Blessings 

Dr. Joyce